I'm going to miss this little guy.

This is a chemo week, on Friday I’ll be getting my third knock out round of Adriamycin and Cytoxan drugs.  My treatments are every other Friday. One more round of the A&C combo and then I get to look forward to five rounds of Taxol. If the treatments follow the schedule I’ll be finished by my 37th birthday, the first week of July. My last round of chemo will be on the 4th of July. So at least I might be able to enjoy my ice cream cake before nausea takes over.

Chemo is preventative, just like my preventative bilateral mastectomy. The chemo should lower my statistical predisposition to the cancer reemerge. Dr. Dureka, the first Oncologist that I saw at OU, said the statistical likelihood of cancer coming back is upwards to 60% likely without chemo, but with chemo and possibly radiation following the stats drop to 30%. It’s like a choose your own adventure book with every new Dr. visit. Maybe this next visit will send me to someplace tropical with warm sands and beautiful clear blue ocean. A girl can dream.

 The hardest part of this preventative treatment is that I will not have anything to show for it, I won’t really know that it worked; except the alopecia, nausea, and neuropathy. No shrunken tumors or any tangibles to get excited about. It all appears to be very anticlimactic, because my five-inch tumor was already removed with my breasts. I’ll have to be contented with ringing the bell throwing my birds up in the air and yell “Fuck you Chemo!”

This week I joined a Cancer group at the YMCA, it’s a health and fitness group of cancer survivors and cancer hating advocates. The class is small, so far, it’s just another gal and myself. The twelve-week training will touch on health, nutrition, fitness, exercise, diet, and I will be working together with personal trainers to help me with my kinesiology.

I want to know how to run. Having huge tits kept me from running, they always said I’d get a black eye. I feel the YMCA group will be a good opportunity to get to work with my new physique, and It will help motivate me through the shitty chemo. I’m hoping to come out of this shit storm a healthier and better version of myself. More motivated to exercise regularly and be more consistent with the diet. I want more self-control and for me being accountable to show up and exercise will help me get to the gym.

They took out my IUD. Dr. Varghese says that it's bad to have it up inside me since it leaks the hormone progesterone and my cancer is hormone positive and estrogen positive.  I’m going to miss this little guy. It kept me from having to deal with my lady problems. I’m not looking forward to inserting tampons into my yoni. RIP IUD.